Going Public
With Robin Jean
Being Accepted
I prefer the word acceptable rather than passable. When deciding where you want to go, whether it be a clothing store, restaurant, hotel or whatever, the question should not be, “I wonder if this place is gender friendly?” but, “Am I dressed appropriately, and do I look like I would blend in with the clientele of this establishment?” This does not mean that you can’t be the best-dressed lady there, as long as you are not over dressed. I like wearing mini skirts
as much as anyone, but when I go to the mall it’s long skirts or slacks.
Use common sense, wear appropriate clothes for the occasion. We have a tendency to over emphasize and exaggerate our femininity by wearing scanty or outrages clothes. You will look more authentic if you blend in with the crowd. You can be womanly without showing copious amounts of skin.
Standing in line at the check out stand of a major food store on a Saturday morning it occurred to me that I was the only one in the store wearing heels. Looking around it became obvious that I was also the best-dressed chick in the place and I assumed that the women who were checking me out were probably sorry that they went shopping dressed like slobs. (God girl, you are conceded) It totally amazes me how sloppy women dress when they go grocery shopping. I want to blend in, but not to that extent.
If it had been a weekday evening I would have been less conspicuous since it is not unusual to see women in heels grocery shopping on their way home from work.
Most of the things that we need to emphasize our femininity are subtle and just need to be ever present of mind. When sitting in a restaurant keep your back straight, don’t slouch. It’s not very comfortable but it is the way women sit. Keep your elbows off the table and take small dainty bites. Don’t be self-conscious, avoid looking around to see if anyone is looking at you. Relax, enjoy your meal.
If you encounter one of those deep soft couches such as you might find in a hotel lobby, Don't lean back, sit on the edge with your back straight and your feet and knees close together. It’s not very comfortable, but nobody promised you a rainbow.
Stand still. If you are waiting for a table in a restaurant or waiting for the light to change at a cross walk, stand still, don’t be fretting around or constantly changing the position of your feet.
Standing at a crosswalk is probably the most difficult if you are a novice at going public. You feel like the whole world is looking at you and you will probably have a tendency to keep shifting your weight and moving your feet to what you feel is more feminine like. This is a dead give-a-way.
Again, this is difficult so here is what you should do. Before you get to the red light or restaurant or hotel lobby, think about how you will stand and how you will plant your feet, which should be close together. Then take that position and hold it. Some adjusting may be necessary but keep it to a minimum. Avoid unnecessary eye contact with strangers.
If you get a wolf whistle or a “Hi Baby” from a passing car, ignore it, look straight ahead. (Don’t let that smile show) There will be times on the street when you are greeted with an, hello, good morning, excuse me or some other nicety from a well-meaning stranger. Unless you have perfected a feminine voice you may wish to avoid talking, in which case a polite smile will suffice. Do not nod. Men nod, women smile. Watch the Golf channel and observe the men approaching the 18th Green waving and nodding to the crown. Then watch the women, they just wave and smile. If you should end up the only lady in an elevator full of men be prepared to exit first. Don’t hesitate, assume that they will wait for you to leave first because they probably will. If there happens to be another woman on board, go in front of her or immediately behind her. Be relaxed, do what is natural. It’s simple, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When you are a woman, do as the women do.”
The same is true if you get to any door at or near the same time as a man. Take the initiative, go ahead of him. Remember that it’s ladies before gentleman. You don’t realize just how many gentlemen there are out there until you become, a Lady in Public.
This is my own personal preference and you can use your own judgment on this one. If I meet a GG or get introduced to one while I am sitting I do not stand. Most women do not stand for other women. However, some of my TG girl friends do stand, I guess old habits are hard to break. It doesn't feel exactly right at first but it makes me feel like one of them. It’s a nice feeling. Do what you are comfortable with.
What I have suggested here is very basic. The most significant thing you can do to perfect your own poise and deportment is to watch women. Not everything you observe will appeal to you but pick those things that do and try to emulate them. You go girl!
